What If Someone Doesn't Like You?

Thursday, July 6, 2017

Growing up, I've always had that need to be likeable. I used to be very self-conscious, I'd go all out just for people to like me, and I'd always feel upset if someone tried to avoid me or made me feel like they just didn't like me at all. Back in grade school, it was easy to be liked because I was always on top in both academics and extra-curricular.

For the same reasons, it was also a lot easier to be disliked. One of my classmates even told me that I didn't have calcium, and I was so thin and skinny so I shouldn't join any sports activities. I cried. But that was grade school. And the years I spent were still fun despite the occasional trash talkers and bullies.

During high school and college, I could pass as Ms. Congeniality. I mean, I made true friends and I was sincere with my friendships with them. It's just that, along the way, I'd meet some people that I'd like to impress so I usually go with the flow and agree to whatever they said. When someone asked me if I wanted pink or blue, I'd usually say "it's up to you, it doesn't matter.."

I was kind of worried whenever I tried to disagree. I was afraid that all eyes would be on me. Nevertheless, high school and college were more fun than ever. The need to always be liked by everyone was more of a personal battle.

When I worked as a corporate trainer, I have learned so much about how to have a firm decision and it was only when I started working that I completely realized and accepted that it's perfectly fine to not be liked by everyone. You know how it is when in school, we can choose who to be with during projects and home works most of the time? But at work, if we're assigned to work with someone, we can't really choose. Instead, we have to be professional and do our job. 

As a lead trainer, I would often see adults acting like kids in my class. I got annoyed with trainees who simply couldn't follow simple rules, and who needed to be reminded ALL the time as if they're a bunch of toddlers. If I found that someone kept violating the rules, I'd always get sarcastic. I never yelled, but yes, I'd be really sarcastic. With that, it's probably very easy to be hated or disliked.

Thankfully though, I've never received any negative feedback from all the many trainees I've handled. The worst feedback I probably got was from a trainee who was a law student, and was always late and absent in class. That trainee actually threatened to sue me because I didn't accept the reason for his 3-day absences without official notice, plus he called me a bitch.

That led me to believe that I've most likely dealt with my need to always be liked. I can still be Ms. Congeniality and I still have a lot of friends, but I'm not afraid to say no anymore. I'm not scared to be firm with my decision, and even when some people don't or won't like me for it, as long as I'm doing my job, and I'm not doing anything wrong, it's perfectly fine. Like what they always say, we can never please everybody. And that's alright.

With so many people in the world, it's impossible that everyone likes everyone. There will always be someone who won't like you, and would even make you feel that they don't like you at all. Again, do not worry. The sooner you accept who you are, the sooner you won't care about those people who don't like you.

The world is not just all about them, and also not all about you. We can still co-exist peacefully even when we don't really like each other. However, when people do something really bad that affects you physically or emotionally, then that's a different story. We have to choose our battles. There are times when it's best to just keep quiet. There are also times when we need to speak up, and do something.  

Respect is the key. Treat others the way you want to be treated, plus we can never go wrong with kindness. And remember your family and real friends, they will always accept you no matter what. They're the most important people in your life. :)

Do you also have that need to always be liked by people? Or have you gone through that phase in your life and how did you overcome it?

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